I did not expect week 3 of my surgical recovery to be so hard! My double mastectomy went so well, so well in fact I never had to take a pain pill! My first week went well using ice packs to calm the severed nerve endings firing to reconnect (that is probably not a medically correct explanation but that is what it feels like). I often had a case of the "zings" usually in the evening but It was manageable. Week 2 I got the drains out and reveled in being able to take a shower for the first time in 10 days! Pure Bliss! I also found some energy to have Starbucks with my grandkids one day.
Somehow I had gotten the memo wrong and thought that the only sleep on your back restriction was to be lifted when drains came out. I tried side sleeping for 5 days and found myself more sore during the day. It also was quite a feat to find a semi comfortable position often requiring multiple pillows and much adjustment. One of the nights I just had the feeling that I was not going about this correctly. I did some googling and found that most breast surgeons insist that you sleep on your back for 4 weeks so as not to put any additional stress on your stitches. Oops. I moved myself back into the second bedroom. Back to my wedge pillow. Back to trying to sleep on my back.
Week 3 was interrupted sleep. I usually slept for 2 hour, awake for 2 hours and then completely exhausted would sleep for 4-5 hours. Waking up was just because I needed to get off of my back and stretch, not because I was rested. If I had any energy at all it would be in the morning. I would do the most important thing(s) and then crash in the afternoon with a nap and usually some TV. I think week 3 was about sleep deprivation. It had been going on for at least 21 days. Even if I managed to wrack up 7 hours (interrupted) one night, it was not enough to give me much energy. Week 3 was about my own unrealistic expectations.t I thought every day would just get a bit better. No steps backward. WRONG. Someone wrote in a breast cancer facebook group to remember that you just had a double amputation! That is a lot of trauma on your body. Well, when you put it that way..........
As I head into week 4 with more realistic expectations and one more week of back sleeping to go, I hope to give my body what it needs. Rest. Nutrition. Water. Patience. Grace. Recovery is hard but it is even made harder by not listening to what your body needs which may or may not be like someone else's recovery journey.
On a good day, I am paying attention to what my head needs. My mental health. I am writing. I am reaching out to others to talk when I have the energy. I am saying no to things I would love to do but I am just not ready yet. I am staying away from anything to do with politics. I feel guilty not engaging with politics but right now I must concentrate on my health. I am correcting any negative self talk, especially if it begins with "I should....". I am practicing gratitude while remembering to feel whatever feelings I am having. I am praying when I find myself worrying about my people, this country or my health.
The best advice I have read repeatedly is to remember "It will not always be like this"! This too will pass! I will sleep again, on my side! I will have energy again! Spring will come!
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