Unwelcome News

6/8/24I am writing this 4 days after breast surgery and will not post this until I have more news.

Way back on April 24 I had a breast ultra sound. My doctor and I decided to do a yearly mammogram and an ultra sound in between. Truthfully, it had been so long since the ultra sound that I thought everything was ok. No news is good news and all that. I got a call yesterday that the ultra sound showed a spot on the cancerous breast side that they want to take a closer look at with a targeted ultra sound.

My heart just dropped. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. My mind immediately went to worst case scenarios. I imagined after all this breast surgery and finally having a matching pair that I would be told that I needed a mastectomy. I imagined being told that I should have more chemo. I could not handle the thought. I cried. I felt discouraged. After all the treatment I had done and already I am facing the possibility of more cancer? I felt cheated.

I think it is important to let these feelings surface. I think I needed to feel them to get through them. I did what I do which is journal. As I wrote all these unedited thoughts I began to notice a new line of thought coming through. I decided I was going to handle this hick up with prayer. There is nothing I can physically do. I have been trained to pray and I am thankful for that practice especially in times of uncertainty. I decided I was not only going to pray but pray boldly. I prayed that the targeted ultra sound would show nothing concerning. I asked my God for time with my family and friends to love on them. I prayed for more time to live a thankful life. I prayed for time to breathe after a year of treatment. I visualized moving and making the GR condo cozy and homey.

Another theme that surfaced was my unwillingness to waste time worrying. My next ultra sound is in 2 weeks and if it takes as long to get results this time, it could be another 6 weeks. That is 8 weeks of my precious life that i do not want to waste! With the help of prayer and journaling I am going to LIVE these 8 weeks and not miss out on my own life.

I will keep you posted.

6/15/24

It is now 13 days since my surgery and I wish I could tell you that the news kept getting better but it has not. I developed an allergic reaction to the tape that was used to cover my incisions post surgery. I was itchy and covered in a red rash at the incision sites. I was treated with strong allergy meds including one at night which puts me OUT for 10-11 hours! A minor inconvenience and something that turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

My plastic surgeon called a couple of days ago to give me the results of my pathology tests on the tissue that was removed during my most recent surgery. The results showed that I have DCIS, precancerous cells in the milk ducts. DCIS is non invasive but can turn into breast cancer if it escapes the ducts. It was found coincidentally as a result of the breast reduction. My mind went into overdrive. Thankfully the allergy meds allowed me some wonderful sleep at night which so helped me make the plans I needed to. Moving is less than 30 days away.

6/17/24

This morning I met with oncology. I learned that this is not an emergency and can wait until after we move. Treatment in the best case scenario would be that all the DCIS has been removed already and an MRI does not show anymore cells, in which case radiation would be recommended. The worst case scenario would be that there are "edges" of DCIS that have been left behind. I would need to have surgery to remove them, which at this point a double mastectomy may be advised.

I am continuing to pray boldly. I am thankful that this was even found (accidently?) only because I had a breast reduction as part of my cancer management plan. I am thankful that this is not urgent thus not effecting our move date. I am experiencing a peace and a calm.

6/20/24

My rash is under control and I have stopped taking the med at night. Turns out the med helped with sleep and is also an anti anxiety med! I feel a little more like my slightly anxious self! Yesterday I met with my cancer breast surgeon who I deeply respect, she is simply the best. I learned that what is happening to me is quite rare. She has seen it only 6 times in her 14 year career. My plastic surgeon sees it once a year. I have potentially 2 different kinds of breast cancer (unrelated to each other), one type in each breast. I didn't want to be this kind of unique! Don and I asked lots of questions and both went away with the same feelings. This is not an emergency, we are still in the preventative mode and it is manageable. I will have my MRI after we move to Grand Rapids and go from there. I am praying boldly that no further DCIS is found and I go get radiation on the right side.

On a tough day I say things to myself like:

• why me Lord

• I need a breather from all this cancer treatment

• I have just begun to feel like myself

On most days with prayer, journaling and talking to one of you sweet people

• I am so grateful they found this before it became cancer

• I am grateful that I am moving to a city know for its cancer treatment

• I am thankful for a partner like Don

• I am grateful that the treatments that are or may be recommended are radiation and surgery which are the two things that I am comfortable with. The two things I am not comfortable with are chemo and hormone altering drugs and neither of those is an option this time.

• I am so thankful you are on this journey with me

PS I may eat a bit more ice cream when the stress goes up....I hear that's not unusual!